1. You don’t have to text someone to say thank you.
The thank-you text, oh man. Is there a text that is more contested and discussed than the one that comes right after the first date? I know some individuals who believe that the onus should always be on the guy (if you’re pursuing a male prospect), and others who believe that the woman should send one right after the first date to express her interest.
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When it comes to pursuit dynamics, which are often headed by men according to evolution, I’m kind of old school. I think there’s no need to text follow-up if you thanked your date profusely and sincerely in person before leaving (which, incidentally, you should do whether you want to see them again or not). By doing this, you may place them in a situation where they feel pressured to answer a specific way and relieve them of a healthy sense of anxiety when they wonder, Well, she seemed to enjoy herself; I believe she likes me, but I’ll have to spend more time getting to know her. It’s a wise decision to leave them there.
That being said, you may text them to let them know that you had a good time if you’re worried that you were a little distant or unfriendly during the date (I know, nerves!). Take it easy on this one. It’s not a job interview; if you can demonstrate your excitement in person, then the initiative is with them. Permit them to toss it.
2. Give them a fortnight to get back to you.
I realize, I realize—two weeks? But allow me to explain.
Someone may still need to decide what plans they can make and how compatible they think you two are, even after a fantastic date. As long as they text you back within two weeks, I implore you not to read too much into how swiftly they do so. That gives them plenty of time to choose whether and when they would like to meet you again. (Beyond then, it’s reasonable to presume that they can’t or won’t give even the thought of you priority. Afterwards!)
When they follow up, observe how they do it; that’s a crucial aspect to consider. It’s one thing to wait a week to text someone “Heyyyyy,” but it’s quite another to message someone ten days later and say, “Hey, I’d love to see you again—are you free next week?” When the post-date nervousness starts to set in, remember that it’s more essential how they pursue you than how soon they do.
3. Hold off on having sex for a few dates at least.
I’m not inherently against first-date sex, but I’m also not in favor of it either. In my capacity as a therapist, I am aware of how crucial it is to genuinely understand not just an individual’s objectives but also whether or not their behaviors are consistent with them. This may be challenging to ascertain when you first meet someone.
One thousand percent, to each their own, especially on this subject—but in my professional view, waiting to be intimate until you’re sure you’re both searching for the same thing is a dating guideline that may truly help save your precious heart. Fantastic if it’s only a sexual connection! But you want to make sure that’s also their intention if it’s anything greater, like a real relationship. Because engaging in sexual activity simply serves to strengthen your bond with the other person and, in certain cases, bring you low self-esteem should they decide not to commit to you. Nobody should experience it.
4. Don’t stress over payment arrangements.
It’s time to stop imposing gender standards on dates—2020 is almost here. In the event that you are a woman looking for a male companion, there is no reason why the guy should pay for the date and no reason why the woman shouldn’t. You have the freedom to act in a way that is consistent with your ideals and what you find comfortable.
I believe that regardless of whether they accept your offer or not, everybody these days appreciates your offer to pay the whole amount or divide it. Just as their demand on payment doesn’t always imply they’re not interested, it doesn’t indicate they won’t let you in. If they don’t tell you otherwise, try not to read too much into it.
5. You are welcome to take up some of the planning yourself.
I know it’s wonderful to have someone else decide on the time and location of your date, but remember that not everyone is a great planner, so if you have a specific idea in mind, go ahead and suggest it. Since it relieves them of some of the strain, they’ll likely appreciate your effort and approach the situation less tense or anxious (which works out well for you in the end). If, on the other hand, you detest organizing anything at all (including picking a brunch venue with your buddies), then tell them you’re game for X or Y, but you have to be since they’ll be selecting from it.
And, by the way, P.S.: Don’t hesitate to approach someone and extend an invitation! The worst case scenario is if you are rejected. Their detriment!
6. Consume everything you desire.
I had to conclude with this one since it tripped me up that people talk about what they order when dating. The sayings “Never finish your plate,” “Always order a salad,” or “Never bring home food” may have been said to you, as you are certainly a lady. In response, I reply, pssha!
How ridiculous it is that there are dating rules at all. For the love of pasta, eat everything you want! Go out and eat as much as necessary to satisfy your hunger if you are hungry. If you’re the type of person who like to eat leftovers, you should choose a spouse who appreciates your love of good food and even finds it amusing that you enjoy a good dinner so much.
Being with someone who doesn’t value your appetite—whether it’s for a bland salad or a (not difficult) steak—is not worth the short life. I promise you that.
